RAM that in your gob and chew on it.

I am an operating system. OS Mo Version 24.3.7 to be exact. My core programming is fairly basic. I require a certain amount of input from other sources to run properly, the odd re-boot now and again, and I work better with some programmes than others.

I recently integrated with another awesome operating system through the marriage method, and the future is looking very optimistic. In future, we will probably create little programmes of our own and grow our own network.

Sometimes I download too much crap and become slow and sluggish. I fact right now, I am contemplating downloading about 2gb worth of cookie dough ice cream, and I know this will affect the way my software looks, but I don’t much care at the moment. Here’s why.

Like most operating systems, I need to upgrade to keep myself up to date and useful. I get add-ons, and tweaks; I am taught things to make my programming more effective.

And yet…

It seems of late, all I am being told to do is improve. It doesn’t matter how much I actually work, there’s always another upgrade, always another tweak to make the users happy.

Here’s the thing though. No matter how much you update software, if it’s the only programme in the system being updated, then the whole system is going to be shite. It’s all good and well telling one system to try try try while you sit on your laurels, but if that system is built to bake cookies, it’s never going to fly. It’s like spending all your time ensure iTunes is on point, to find you’re trying to use it with Internet Explorer 6 – it’s never going to blooming work. If this is how sky net felt, I’m not surprised it went crazy and blew up humanity. It may have been a little out there, but he got his point across…

I may not understand how to build programmes or how they come to be what they are, but I know how they should work, and how they should behave.

So, here’s my message to the programmers, the de-buggers, and just the plain buggers. OS Mo is f***ing awesome, and I’m not inclined to lower myself to the Internet Explorers of the world. OS Mo isn’t going anywhere, so stop fighting it and work with it. It’s so much easier when systems talk to each other and not behind their figurative backs. <p>eace out.


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Posted by on March 10, 2016 in Uncategorized


My job is making me fat

I have desk job. I work 9 – 5, Monday to Friday. When I was at university, I did salsa twice a week at my student union. When I was studying for my A-levels, I got half price entry at the gym, and finished at 3.15 every day.

Now, I am usually so fed up and tired at the end of the day, all I want to do after the nightly pooch walk is curl up on the sofa, watch the latest TV Series I have become addicted to, and maybe do some yoga if I’m feeling especially zen.

I sit next to an attractive woman in my office. That’s not particularly a distraction in itself – there are attractive people everywhere, and I’m married… and straight. The problem is I am one of those women, who, I am ashamed to say, judge myself based on the people around me. She’s 5ft 7 and gorgeous, I’m 5 ft 3 (and a half), and struggling with the stone of weight I have put on in the last year (there, I said it).

Here’s the double whammy. I am also one of these people who replaces therapy with food. I eat for every emotion, especially the negative ones, so when you get envy triggering self loathing, triggering cheesecake cravings (flavour of the week), you develop a bit of a cycle.

Said desk neighbour also stocks snacks in her desk, and she’s very sweet, she shares everything. Which would be fine, but she’s a bit of a feeder, and I have very little will power. Last time I refused her, she stared at me and waved a Bakewell Tart under my nose.

So, combine my neighbour with my lack of movement for 8 hours of the day, with the high levels of stress, my job is making me fat.

I am thinking about making changes to this. I don’t mean the fat part; I’ve been trying to make changes to that since I was 10 years old. I’m just beginning to wonder if maybe we should start seeing all the aspects of our lives that influence our weight in the same way we do food. If it’s bad for us – stop doing it. Of course, it’s not as simple as that, but isn’t it a lovely idea?

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Posted by on February 11, 2016 in balance and wellbeing, diet, food


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Downward Dog

I took up yoga last year in an effort to harness my inner Chi (whatever that means).

I never found the Chi, but it did have a massive impact on my life. I found myself sleeping better and not feeling as stressed. I started the Yoga with Adriene 30 days of yoga programme, and I really enjoyed it.

For one reason or other, I ended up stopping for a few months, so I made it my resolution for 2016 to start up again. I knew I wouldn’t be able to commit to doing it every day, so I’ve said at least three times per week.

Her new programme, yoga camp, is ace. She gives you options for different levels, and it all just feels very relaxed. Perfect for me. So I started the tutorial. I enjoyed it and felt great. I’d found, much like re-starting the blog, that it didn’t take much to get back on the horse.

The difference between this time round and last time around, was the addition of our furry friend, Pixie the Puggle.

Have you ever seen the videos of people trying to do yoga with pets in the room? Well, that’s what has happened to me every time I try to do yoga.

Our dog is very loving and devoted to us, which means if she’s worried about us, she lets us know. So when I reached the end of the video and I was settling into the deep breathing, Pixie began to think I was dying, which led her to jump up and down on me furiously and lick my face.

When I started giggling and she realised I was fine, she laid on top of me and started chewing her bone. Yoga session over.

But I’ve been keeping with it, even with the doggy lifeguard. I’m already feeling better. I’ve not particularly lost weight, but my body feels a bit tighter, and my jeans feel looser. To anyone playing with the idea of yoga, but unsure where to start, look up Adriene – you will not regret it.

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Posted by on January 17, 2016 in balance and wellbeing


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Balancing the Scales

Those who know me will tell those who don’t that I have a slight tendency to worry about things: money, work, weight, the fact that we are slowly running out of chocolate…

The main thing I worry about though, is worrying. Do I spend too much time worrying about work, and not enough time worrying about how many workouts a week my puggle is getting? Do I spend too much time worrying about money and not enough time worrying about how I spend my time? Do I spend too much time worrying about how much I weigh and not enough time actually enjoying the food I can eat? Most definitely.

I’m worried about finding the balance between work and play. How much more time should my mind spend in the office than my body does and how much time in the day should I dedicate to stressing about whether I’m doing a good job while my body is actually in the office. Is it OK not to worry about work even though I often deal with people whose entire livelihood is in my hands? Am I going mad here?

How do you find the balance? How do people successfully juggle all that and not manage to worry about any of it too much? I honestly have no idea. I don’t think I’m ever going to be one of those people. I’d be too stressed out over not worrying that I’d probably give myself a complex. I do yoga sometimes to find my inner chill, but there is always at least one point in every session where I worry I’m not doing it right.

Then I found this video:

It now makes total sense.

I know I may spend too much time worrying about work, about my genetically impaired pooch, and worrying itself. Yes, I do clean too much (but honestly, that’s now become more of a weekly workout than a chore now), but I do put the important bits in the jar first as well.

Yes, I do focus maybe too much on my job sometimes, but I always want to make sure I’ve got time to put the people in my life above my source of income; I may fill my jar with an awful lot of sand, but it is just that – sand. It’s tiny bits of grit that I overthink because it’s a personality flaw, but I’ve got my big priorities straight. And while I may not be cured of my overthinking – it’s comforting to know that there is always room for chocolate.



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A very big KitKat

I took a break. A long break.

It’s not like I wasn’t doing things in the meantime. I got engaged, finished University, got an actual proper job that actually enables me to live, got married, bought a dog, bought a house (well, nearly), and BOOM! It’s 2016, I’ve put a stone on, and I’m looking at a blog I haven’t touched in three years and thinking “Hey, why the heck did I let all that life stuff get in the way of keeping this going?”

I thought about starting again completely, but that would be like switching from Weight Watchers to Slimming World when the road gets a bit bumpy – it’s fine for some people, but it’s not my style. I’ve changed since I started this blog, I even have a different name now, but it’s still a part of who I was, who I am, who I want to be. Plus, there’s some pretty funny stuff on here, and it’s nice to look back to what was going on back then.

So this is Chapter 2.

As I said… I’ve put a stone on. I was in three weddings in 2015 (my own being the last) and the thrill of having no dress to worry about fitting in at all ever again; or at least for the rest of the year, took over my already weak willpower.

I haven’t even actually made the most of it. I’d love to say I did a Julia Roberts and went up a dress size because I was exploring the tastes of Italy, but I didn’t. I mostly drank a lot of mid range wine, and ate a lot of chocolate. I did, however, discover a wonderful Chinese takeaway that deep fries shredded duck pancakes… which is as close to Eat Pray Love as I’m going to get this side of 40.

But no, I’m not jumping ship, I’m just setting a new course. I’m sure the other eating plans work fine for most people, but I’m not ready to give up on what got me to gold just yet, although my free membership has most definitely expired. I’m not quite ready to actually get on the scales yet, but it feels good to be flexing the old muscles a bit and seeing what I’ve still got.

I’ve got good feelings for Chapter 2…



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Posted by on January 4, 2016 in diet, food, Uncategorized


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Going Mouldy

taken from

Been left too long…

Somewhere down the road, I stopped writing. I didn’t write down my food, I didn’t write down my ideas, and then low and behold, I was back at square one.

Jeans got tighter, well written blogs went unpublished, I lost myself trying to get other, ‘more important’ things done. I went stale. I’ve not used them enough, so my writing’s gone off and my weight’s gone up.

And so, with a heavy heart I went crawling back to my weekly meeting with my tail between my legs. I wore the lightest thing possible and shunned all jewellery in a desperate bid to retain some pride, which was stupid because I then looked ridiculous standing in a school hall in the middle of January, freezing to death because I was wearing nothing but leggings and a vest. Even so, I sucked it up, or in, and gingerly stepped on the scales. For the first time in a year and a half, I was out of my gold range.

The nice thing about going back to weight watchers is that everyone is so understanding and supportive. No one looks at you and goes, “Oh you stupid woman, have you no self control?” We are all in it together. You don’t have that when you write. There’s no one standing over your shoulder saying, “You should publish that, no don’t just save it and ‘come back to it later’ because you never will.”

So I’m adopting healthy body healthy paper, or something to that effect. I work on one, the other seems to improve as well, but I have to keep it up if I want to get better. I can’t go off the rails and worry about it later. I have to acknowledge when things have gone awry and work to improve them, to make sure I don’t go off again.

I’m baking a fresh batch, I’m starting anew, turning a new leaf so the weight’s off my shoulders (and now my thighs,thankfully). I’m back in my gold range and I am publishing again. It’s funny how writing and weight loss work together to form one giant stress bomb which leaves me running for the emergency chocolate.

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Posted by on March 14, 2013 in diet, entertainment, food


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Dear Santa Claus

Mr Claus,
It’s been a long time since I wrote you a list
And this one’s not too long, I am asking just this…
An inch off the arms, two off the waist,
And could you please do this without compromising taste.
I can’t give up bread or sacrifice cheese,
But I’d love to slip into that outfit with ease.
I’m dreaming of dresses, tight fitted and fine
But it’s not worth the loss of the chocolate praline.
I could do it the hard way and keep my wish quiet,
But Christmas is no time to be on a diet!
So could you please fix it? I won’t let it slip
That you’re the real reason I’ve got smoother hips.
I want to look tasteful in that little black dress,
But I cannot achieve it through living off cress.
I’d be ruining Christmas by avoiding the food,
I’d be dampening the spirit and souring the mood.
So you see, it’s quite selfless, it’s not all about weight,
I’m rescuing Christmas, and not just my gait.

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Posted by on November 19, 2012 in diet, food


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