For too long I have kept these culinary secrets at bay. I have guarded them with pride and they have seen me through some very difficult times, discovering Will Smith was married for one – I don’t think I would have survived that without these lovely life savers. So, here they are, for the entire world to read and eat. I give you, the Mars Bar cook book. Happy munching!
(Note, recipes marked with an * require no extra ingredients.)
1. *Mars Bars for beginners: This is the easiest recipe that even the most inexperienced chefs can master to produce exceptional results. Purchase one Mars Bar. At a moment of your choosing, (author suggests placing oneself on the sofa with favourite DVD or TV series.) Unwrap said Mars Bar and eat. Simple, yet delicious.
2. *The Mars Bar frube: This recipe is dedicated to my little sister, and the bus driver who broke the air conditioning and enabled us to create this coach-inspired delicacy. Purchase a Mars Bar. Sit on said Mars bar, or place in a very warm environment until the package is no longer solid. Tear off a corner of the wrapper and consume as you would a frube. This is not recommended if you are not in full ‘chocolate’ mode.
3. *Mars Bar soup: This is a wonderful dish for a cold day when feeling under the weather and in need of a little pick me up that chicken soup just won’t fix. Purchase a Mars Bar. Remove the wrapping and discard. Place the Mars Bar in a bowl and microwave for 30 seconds to a minute, but stir in between. For the less patient out there (self included) cut the bar up so that it melts quicker. Once melted, eat with a spoon and accompany with biscuits (the sweet tooth croutons).
4. The Mars Bar toastie: This is a definite don’t-knock-it-till-you-try-it dish. Purchase a Mars Bar. Cut it up into slices (not too thin and not too thick). Make up a toastie according to your toastie maker instructions with the Mars pieces in between the slices of bread. Enjoy warm and then worry about cleaning hot caramel off of your kitchen. If you don’t have a toastie machine, you can try sandwiching a cut up Mars Bar between two sliced of toast, but I’m afraid it won’t be the same. Sorry.
5. Mars a la Scotland (avoid if you have any heart problems): This recipe requires either a friend at a chip shop, or a deep fat fryer. You guess it ladies and gents. It’s the deep fried Mar Bar. Purchase a Mars Bar. Go to the chip shop and beg your buddy to fry it in batter for you. If you don’t know any chip shop owners, attempt to fry it in batter yourself. If it doesn’t look tasty, I guarantee it will taste amazing.
6. The ultimate Mars Bar (also not for the faint hearted): This recipe requires 3 Mars Bars, 2 milk chocolate bars, coco pops, treacle, and white chocolate. Melt the Mars Bars in a microwave and add a cup of coco pops and 2 tablespoons of treacle. spoon this concoction into a baking tin. Melt the milk chocolate and cover afore mentioned concoction in the melted chocolate. Melt the white chocolate and drizzle this over the top of the ultimate Mars Bar. This recipe requires 3 weeks of dieting to recover.
7. Chocolate Salad: This recipe has been guarded by my mum for years. It’s the first salad I ever tasted – which explains why all the others were such a disappointment. The good thing about it is that it has the word ‘salad’ in it, so it’s good for you. It’s also very simple to prepare. Purchase Mars Bars, Snickers, Dairy Milk, Maltesers, and basically any kind of chocolate you enjoy eating, in any quantity you like. The beauty of a salad is that you can put what you want in it. Cut up the various chocolate bars into bite size pieces and then toss into a bowl. Serve to your best friends on an evening of your choosing, or eat all by yourself.
There you have it fellow readers, the Mars Bar cook book. Please use these recipes with care, I don’t think there are any studies out there depicting how many Mars Bars you can eat before going into cardiac arrest, but I wouldn’t recommend trying all of them in one day.