If there’s no chocolate in heaven I’m not going

20 Jul

Taken from

I have been thinking about chocolate. Those of you who know me will know that this is not an uncommon occurance. Chocolate is one of the basic fundamentals in my life – one of the things I could not live without. It is an attachment so strong that I would go so far as saying that a chocolate bar would be one of the five things I would grab when fleeing a burning building. I would sacrifice my phone for it.

I have been trying to find the best way to rationalise my relationship with chocolate – why I love it so much, why my attachment is becoming stronger, and I think I may have finally cracked it. Chocolate is good for you – good for the soul.

Before you all disregard this idea hear me out… First of all, it’s made from BEANS. Last time I checked, that was a vegetable (I don’t care that cocoa beans aren’t really vegetables, I hear beans, I think veg…) Secondly, I am becoming more dependent on chocolate as I get older. I am no longer a child. I must face up to this (Boyf when you read this, please refrain from doing your smug dance – I had to deal with it at some point, but it doesn’t make you right) and if owning up to becoming an adult means I can justifiably drown in chocolate then all the better. It is often said that you become wiser with age, and as I am becoming more dependent on the stuff, doesn’t that mean that on some level, my subconscious knows that chocolate is good for me? I’d like to think so. I have to believe it is true. There has to be some perks to getting older. I’m not saying I’m old by any means. I have a fruitful and long life ahead of me I am sure, just like I am sure that I’m supposed to be enjoying chocolate during that life. It’s fate.

Chocolate is the diamond of the confectionery world. It may not last forever, but the love that remains with the wrapper does. It’s the perfect partner, it has restored my faith in love. There’s no fighting, no nagging, no mess to clean up. It doesn’t leave the toilet seat up (sorry guys), it doesn’t order you to put the toilet seat down, it doesn’t leave piles of dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor… It’s just pure perfection. The Cadbury Christ. No matter how rubbish the day has been, it always gets better when you realise you can curl up with chocolate at the end of it.

I’d love to know if you can get earthly delights in heaven. Imagine if you couldn’t. No chocolate in heaven… Now that’s a scary thought. There has to be chocolate in the afterlife. One life is not enough time to have consumed enough chocolate. More people would revert to faith if we know that the chocolate will be sweeter on the other side. For thine is the praline, the milk and the Belgian, for now and ever more, Amen.

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Posted by on July 20, 2012 in diet, food


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